We are settling into earlier mornings and sleepier breakfasts and homework instead of free play in the after school hours. We are settling into shorter bedtime windows and showers in the morning rather than at night and schedules that line up with when they need to be at school and when they can come back home.
Though it means 5 o’clock mornings, I always look forward to the month after school starts, because it means we have begun to stretch into those familiar routines that we left behind all summer.
I enjoy those summer days that are not bound by places we need to be or a clock that rules us or tasks we need to finish before the deadline, but there is something about getting back into a routine of carefully measured activity that feels refreshing.
Routine is life-giving to me.
I used to think this made me boring. I wanted to be the fun, spontaneous type who could make plans or drop them with no more notice than a call. I tried to be her for a while, but I was miserable.
That could be why, when we had children, I slipped so easily into routine. Feed the baby, let him play, put him to sleep, do it all again. Feed the toddler, read to the toddler, put the toddler down to sleep, repeat. Feed, play, feed, play, feed, bathe, read, snuggle, sleep.
My life runs like one great routine. My boys know exactly what’s coming and where they are in their days because of the routines we have practiced since the day they were born. They could do it with their eyes closed.
It’s no secret that I have a large family. Six children is four more than what most people consider the norm. Which means we often get interesting questions about our large family—but the most frequent one I hear is, “How do you do it?”
Usually, when people ask this question, I tell the truth: I don’t do it. I don’t even come close. My house hasn’t been cleaned in you don’t want to know how long. The laundry is still sitting on the banister like it was three weeks ago, so the kids have gotten used to living out of a pile instead of a closet. The yard has more weeds than grass because there’s just no time to tend.
But another truth is routine.
Routine helps me do it. Every Monday morning I water the plants. Every Tuesday I do laundry. Every Wednesday I shop for groceries (and hope they’ll last all week).
Routine helps my children do it, too.
Something I’ve learned in my eight years of parenting is that routine has a way of settling children. It has a way of making them feel more secure in their constantly changing lives. It has a way of communicating love and intention and joy.
Routine has a power that pulls families closer together.
What I remember most from my childhood are the every-evening stories my mom read to us. I remember getting dressed every morning for school and inevitably opening my closet to find my sister asleep on the floor, still in her pajamas. I remember riding bikes and roller skating the bumpy road out in front of our house while my mom whizzed past on skates of her own.
What my boys will remember in the years to come is not how crazy this household was or how often a brother made them angry or how much food they swiped from the fridge when we weren’t looking. They will remember the routines. The chapter books we read together during our read-aloud time. The flower we stood in the middle of the table and told everyone to sketch, and how each of those drawings came out looking completely different. The snuggle time just before lights out.
Routines offer us stability and structure and sanity.
Mostly they offer us love-filled memories.
How we can incorporate routines into our daily lives
1. Establish a time when everyone sits down at the table together for at least one meal a day. This doesn’t have to be dinner. It could be breakfast or lunch or dunch (a cross between dinner and lunch—which might work for older kids who have crazy evening practices and games). It doesn’t matter what time. Just sit down at the table together and open conversations or play dinner games or name your gratitudes. The family that eats together stays together.
2. Before you leave the house, breathe. We do this with our children in the mornings. Before walking to the school down the road, we stop at the door, take three deep breaths and then get on our way. Sometimes we say a mantra, like “I breathe in love. I release love into the world.” Sometimes we just breathe silently because it’s been a rough morning. This routine helps us slow down and think and claim just one calm moment out of the many rushed ones.
3. Read a story together. Kids love the routine of reading together. People ask me all the time when I think my boys will stop enjoying this time. The answer is never. Mostly because we read long, involved chapter books that take months to finish. I don’t think kids every outgrow stories read by their parents.
