Our twin boys are now 2 and a half years old, or 32 months old for those of you who like to count things that way. When potty training them first came up, even with Rachel’s insistence upon using cloth diapers for the twin poop factories (I endorse and encourage cloth diapers by the way… but it does suck), changing diapers still remained a favorable prospect to the idea of potty training twin boys and all of the potential mess and frustration that goes with it. We were in no hurry.
About 6-7 months ago they started showing signs that they might be ready to start trying it out, but we were not ready, and that’s what matters, right? So we ignored the signs and kept the status-quo. Every time we would approach the conversation about potty training, our choice to wait simply came down to the unknown potential of disaster and burn out that we wanted to avoid. There were a few months in there that we tried to set start dates saying things like, “We’ll start after this trip” or “we’ll try it out after school starts.” But we kept finding reasons to wait, even little ones like “I have to go to the grocery store this week, so we should probably wait,” or “The weather app says it might rain so we should hold off.” Finally, we settled on a start date and resolved to follow through.
After plenty of experience with the older 3, we’d learned to employ a strategy that was simple and straightforward. Take them to the potty often, reward and praise success (or good attempts), keep the mop handy, and shame them when they made a mistake. Okay, I’m just joking about that last one. Shaming doesn’t work, unfortunately.
Step 1.
The first step is more complicated and time consuming than we had ever experienced before. For all the hassle of just taking one to the potty, taking two was a little insane. You’ve got to help them take off their pants AND shoes because they want complete freedom of motion while they sit on the potty. You’ve got to set them onto the potty and monitor their hands so they don’t play with the water (we opted for a sitting pee for better accuracy with aim which is HIGHLY important), help them aim everything, EVERYTHING, in the right direction, with your “free hand” guard the toilet paper, help them wipe, put their pants and their shoes back on, and hold them awkwardly as they attempt to wash their hands.
In the meanwhile, the other one has already taken to playing in the toilet water and filling the bowl to the rim with toilet paper. So now you have to wash his hands, and repeat all of the previous steps while using your stretched out leg and foot to block out the first from the toilet area. Not to mention, if there is an accident, now you’ve got to clean that out and get fresh clothes for the offender while he runs around the house, airing out his cheeks.
At first we had a “take them every time they say they need to go” policy, but when they learned that saying “I nee pee pee paw-dee” would get them out of their highchairs and car seats, and prolong the bedtime routine, we had to abandon this approach. It was either that or take them each to the potty 50 times per day.
Step 2.
After you’ve done all of the above, you’ve got to muster the will to celebrate. Don’t worry, that desperation and brokenness you feel can be channeled into mournful cries of praise for your toddler. And then, all of the books say, you should give your child a gift for not polluting the house with his excrement. We give stickers as a reward for a successful potty visit which means we have stickers ALL OVER the house. It’s amazing the things a child will do for a sticker. We wondered if maybe we should start using them for other things like chores, or staying in bed, etc. but ultimately decided we wanted them not to be motivated by gifts, but by their intrinsic values. That’s how it should be for using the potty. At some point, not walking around in your own feces should be its own reward.
Step 3.
Keep the mop handy. And the broom, and the disinfectant, and the stain remover, and the air freshener, and the steam vac, and a local professional cleaning service. Messes will happen. A lot of them. In the beginning there were so many messes. These twins are little poop factories. The sooner you accept the reality that there will be a lot of mess to clean up, the better your chances of not freaking out when they happen in the most inconvenient place and time, in ways that are so vile you shake your head in disbelief and maybe, just maybe, feel a little stirring of pride at what your child is capable of producing. A light-hearted, calm attitude actually speeds the process along. In those moments when you feel they might never get it, find comfort in the thought that they won’t still be pooping themselves (hopefully) when they’re teenagers, and by then you’ll have much, MUCH bigger things to worry about.
Simply put, shaming and stressing out only make things worse. Avoid it at all costs. Drink wine if necessary. Here’s where I try to look at it from my child’s perspective. As an adult, I’ve been successfully pooping in the toilet for so long, I can’t even remember a time when that was actually a skill I was trying to develop. I’m, like, a master at it. Our young children are not. They’ve never done this before. It’s always been taken care of for them. Can you think of a time in your life when someone has been doing something for you that you don’t really know how to do, and then suddenly hands the responsibility of doing it into your inexperienced hands? Learning to use the potty is right there in the middle of tons of other new things our children are trying to learn and understand for the first time. I’m surprised they are not more stressed out. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and imagine that this is a monumental challenge that we have been given the privilege of helping them overcome.
It’s also important to note that the ability to “hold it” and use the potty depend greatly on mental and physical developmental milestones. If your child has not yet reached these milestones, they are not ready. You wouldn’t try to make an infant walk… it’s the same thing. Overnight dryness depends on a different set of mental and physical developments and lags behind daytime readiness. Daytime readiness generally occurs between the ages of 24 and 27 months, but can vary from child to child.
I’m happy to say that in a relatively short amount of time, our twins are doing great. There’s still the occasional accident, and taking them both to the potty is still quite a production, but we are able to go out in public, send them to the grandparents, AND we were able to stop using stickers! Hallelujah! I hope our experience and insight gives you some encouragement as you tackle potty training with your little one, or two or three or more.
I just had a panic attack imagining what it might be like potty training triplets. Shudders.
